Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
