dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
