i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
