Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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