Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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