remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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