My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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