it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize