Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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