If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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