I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
