Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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