just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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