Where did you get a picture of my penis
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize