he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
