i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
