we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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