I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
