Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
3 2 1 whiskey
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize