I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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