I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will be naked everywhere
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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