Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
