Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
