when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize