Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
