Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
