do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
