If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
