No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
