Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
