I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
