so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I fill condoms, not promises.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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