We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
