Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
