my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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