Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
