after a month anything with tits is on the radar
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
