OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So much rum. So many feels.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
