I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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