Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
