If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
