Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
