fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's rum buckets o'clock
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
