i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
