im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
