Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
