just come out here and I will go home with you...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
