i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
