The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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