I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
