One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
