i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
