normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
