pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
