In the future we'll all be gay
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
