I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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