I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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