it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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