i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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