Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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