Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
