i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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