we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
