Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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