i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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