just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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