I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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