Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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