i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
