i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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