I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
