xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
