I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
