And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
