I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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