my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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