Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize