Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My vagina is very pro this idea
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
