Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
