All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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