you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
