Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
