I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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