Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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