you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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