Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
