Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
