Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
