break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
