Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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