so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
