When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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