I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
