used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
