dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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