i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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