Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
