This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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