Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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