i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
