i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
kristin has been a bad kristin
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize