I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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