I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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