i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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