she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
