Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
