I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
