Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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