I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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