JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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