i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
