I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
