it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
zippers are such a cool invention
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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