I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
